ARIES (Mar 21-April 19): A change of direction is needed at this time Aries. Either that, or heavy moving equipment so that we can keep going through the wall we’ve reached. Stars say back up or back hoe, the choice is ours.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth, said Ludwig Börne. Stars say it’s a great week to rid ourselves of confusion Taurus. To make it easier tell ourselves there’s profit in it; just remember that there are some things we can’t sell on eBay.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Never place friendship above profit, say the Ferengi, Star-Trek’s race of über-capitalist aliens. Whether partnered or single, we feel like we’re speed dating this week Gem. Just keep saying, “next offer,” until we’re back where we started, and no one can say we’re fickle, exactly.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): “After the laws of physics,” notes astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, “everything else is opinion.” Stars say it’s a good week to be less opinionated and more observant Cancer. Especially of things like stop signs and speed limits.
LEO (July 23-Aug 22): Stars say avoid butting heads with stubborn individuals this week Leo. Actually, avoiding butting heads with soft, flexible individuals is wise too because really, that head banging thing only works out well for goats.
VIRGO (Aug 23-Sept 22): Don’t argue with loved ones about money this week Virgo. Don’t argue with people you merely like about money either. Arguing with those you dislike about money, eh, that might be okay. Non-productive, but okay.
LIBRA (Sept 23-Oct 22): A partner either digs in their heels or suddenly changes direction this week Libra. It’s possible they’ll both dig in their heels and try to suddenly change directions at the same time, in which case they’ll fall down. Try not to laugh.
SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21): Stars say don’t argue with appliance repairmen this week Scorp. Don’t argue with appliances either. Remember what happened the last time we yelled at our dishwasher? That’s right, he didn’t speak to us for a week.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21): Children are especially stubborn and need a lot of attention this week Sadge. So take a deep breath, have patience, and cough up extra cash for the sitter.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19): The Greek philosopher Diogenes lived on the streets of Athens and wore rags. A well to do citizen accused him of intentionally living no better than a dog. Upon which Diogenes lifted his ratty robe and peed on the fellow. When tempted to be either judgemental or philosophical this week Cappy, make like a philosopher.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18): Someone asked Saint Augustine that if God created time, where was God before time began? Augustine replied that God created hell for people who ask questions like that. Questioning other’s philosophy, religion, and politics can have long term consequences this week Aquarius. Not that that will stop us.
PISCES (Feb 19-March 20): Our spending habits are questioned this week Pisces. We had to know that listing “mini-fridge for the beer,” as a home office deduction would raise a few eyebrows.